Footage of a Naturopath
That Saturday afternoon, I phoned Minarik and made a next-day appointment for a 45-minute “treatment” at the “SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY FEE” of $15. Minarik’s office, apparently an apartment, was on the first floor of a seven-story apartment building in Rego Park, Queens (a borough of New York City). The bicycle ride from my home took less than eight minutes. “Treatment” took place in a living-roomlike space that contained a central massage table, a couch that afforded an adjustable massage, a reclinerlike armchair, two footrests, an exercise machine, an electric roller apparently designed to massage the buttocks, a pile of flyers promoting Super Blue Green Algae, and about a dozen celebrity blowups, including the aforementioned shot of Minarik and Cuomo.
Minarik stated that he had been practicing there for 18 years and that he saw four or five patients every day. “I’ve been treating people for twenty years already,” he said. He wore a white lab jacket throughout the session and came across as a moderately affable professional.
“What kind of problem do you have?” he inquired. I lied, stating that I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure a few years before but didn’t have symptoms. I said that I was “supposed to” take medication but didn’t, and that I treated my condition with exercise and diet.
“So, high blood pressure, you said?” asked Minarik.
“Yeah.”
“Anything else? Any pains?”
“No.”
The first phase of Minarik’s “reflexology treatment” involved his placing “acupressers” on my hands and feet: (1) a plastic device, indistinguishable from a spring clothespin, on each little toe, (2) a plastic helmetlike device on each big toe, (3) a plastic screw-device with Velcro on each foot, and (4) a “screw-on” plastic clamplike device on each hand and foot. As I lay in the reclinerlike armchair, I looked at the blowup of Minarik and Cuomo and observed: “That’s Mario Cuomo, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” said Minarik. “He was one of my patients.”
I told Minarik that years ago I had applied to the National College of Naturopathic Medicine; then I asked where he had studied.
“In California,” he replied.
“Is the school still there?”
“Uh, no…”
I asked the name of the school, and he said: “William Fitzgerald School of Naturopathic Medicine and Zone Therapy.”
Then I lay “adorned” for about twenty-three minutes. Minarik spent most of this time in what sounded like a kitchen. Six minutes before the end of the period, he declared that, whatever my blood pressure had been “before,” it was now lower. As he removed the devices, he asked for how long had I had a blood-pressure problem, and I said ten years.
The next phase involved manual massage of my feet, calves, and shins; the next, massage of my soles and toes with a vibrator that had a tapered head, and of the left and right sides of my feet with the Hitachi Magic Twin-Head Massager. The following phase involved my sitting on a footrest with my hands on the “roller”; the next, getting a massage from the mechanical couch; and the last, Minarik’s cracking my neck. I somewhat disliked Minarik’s cracking my neck, knuckles, and toes, especially since he had not stated his intention beforehand.
Minarik sold me the Acupresser for $40: junk consisting of four plastic clamplike devices and a pair of Velcro devices. I asked him why the Velcro on one device was white and on the other, black. He said the difference balances yin and yang.
Minarik stated that he would thenceforth charge me $30 per visit. He recommended two visits weekly for several weeks (purportedly to break up calcium deposits), followed by one visit per month.
On August 3, I again happened to meet the 63-year-old naturopath at the health spa. He asked me how I felt after the “treatment.” I said “fine,” omitting that I thought his treatment was irrelevant. Indeed, the euphoria his brochure had forecast had missed me with a vengeance.
The Bottom Line
Reflexology is a highly variegated practice whose theories lack scientific substantiation. It can be pleasurable or unpleasant, a massage or an invitation to quackery, or just a waste of time.
An internet drugstore will present you with easy manner to order prescription, over-the-counter pills, often at more available price. Online pharmacy no prescription are especially suitable if you live in a rural area, do not drive.