Home > Health > Return of the History Class Flunkouts Part 5
Oct
10

(Note: Any time you see words in italics, those are actual thoughts as reported to me by my psychic spy-babes.)

Women are more logical? I agree that they are better multi-taskers and can handle pain better, but I’m not sure if those are the skills that would lead to Survivor domination.

The Tribe Members are Selected

Mr. Probst then cleared up the confusion and explained that Granny and Mr. Connery are like elementary school team captains and are told to pick teams.

Beverly Hillbillies’ Granny got first choice. She chose the huge guy, Ted. Not a bad choice. A little bit out of shape, especially when compared to a few of the other studmuffins, but he is surely much stronger. He’ll come in handy when the teams have to lift small houses or boulders.

Sean Connery’s stunt double chose the girl I, also, would’ve chosen first. His reasons were, “The first person I picked was Stephanie and I guarantee you if you look in that girl’s eyes and then you look at her body, you know that this lady is ready to take on the world.”

Granny’s second choice was the 47-year-old swim instructor – Helen. I began to understand her strategy.

Mr. Connery then picked the New York City policeman – Ken, who was the most fit, had the biggest muscles of all the guys. His strategy: “Who’s the strongest? Who has fire in their eyes? Who has the greatest athleticism?” Being that the majority of contests between tribes are physical challenges, it would appear as though this guy knows his Survivor history. As opposed to…

It was Jan’s turn to pick and the guys are all avoiding eye contact. She picked the 40-year-old pastor – John.

I figured out Jan’s strategy! “Who would I most want to bring to my church social?”

Jake continued with the “youth is best” theme and picked the blonde former college cheerleader from Plano, Texas – Penny.

Team Church Social added Ghandia – the oldest, least fit woman remaining.

Jake picked Jed – another young, buff individual. And Jed said to the cameras how he was SO happy to be on that team.

Jan picked, to his dismay, Brian. My first thought was that even though he’s on the weakest team, he is clearly the standout. If he can keep his mouth shut and just listen and observe (“There’s a reason why you have one mouth and TWO ears,” his sales trainers have told him), then he should make it to the merger without the slightest bit of a challenge.

Jake picked my all-around favorite – Shii Ann. Not the youngest remaining, but seemingly the most athletic.

Jan looked over the beauty queen and went with the softer-spoken social worker – Tanya (which is pronounced with an “a” as in Jan).

Jake selected “My skateboarding buddy”- Robb. He stood up shouting, “Yes! I finally get to talk! I love you guys and I haven’t even talked to you, yet. YES!!” Everyone else was just scared and concerned. It’s nice be young and fun as long as it’s not 24/7.

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